This one is going to be personal.
Ask a creative how to describe their own work and watch the existential dread boil over and spill out in a fashion that only brings to mind the scene from the original Indiana Jones And The Raiders Of The Lost Ark when the arch villain opens up the casket of the Ark and is met with a face melting climactic end (literally).
There’s probably a more clinical way to describe this phenomenon, and it most definitely is on the spectrum of soul crushing anxiety. I know this feeling all too well. Where it comes from is a different discussion, one I probably don’t quite understand the source, but also will not air that dirty laundry today. Rest assured, I have been and am still continuing to do the work (as should you). What I can say is, It’s there. What I also know is, I am not alone. I know am not the only creative/human being who feels that existential dread at times. Creative imposter syndrome…Google it and fall down that rabbit hole at your own risk.
As a creative professional that at times deals with anxiety, creative imposter syndrome and has done his best to carve out a reasonable living in an industry that can be absolutely crushing to define and find success in, I can say one thing is for sure:
Photography has given me purpose and awakened something within me.
Photography has provided a space to be myself. Photography has given an opportunity to find a medium by which I have permission to fail. But it is greater than just a safe playspace. I’ve noticed if I do not pick up a camera for some time, I begin to feel the existential angst build up. The flow state, in my mind, is a state of active meditation in your surroundings or the creative act, or both, when out photographing. Once you find it, it’s addictive as hell and a necessity for the soul.
Photography has empowered me to overcome crushing social anxiety.
I was once weary of my camera in public, reaching to have a hand on it at all times as a slight cover and occasionally snap a photo in the distance. Then while on a return trip to Cuenca, Ecuador, something changed. With the suggestion and help of my wife to translate, I asked multiple strangers to take their portrait as I found something about them beautiful. I took what I consider some of my best photos on that trip because of that. I was being true to myself and seeking a connection. What a breakthrough for an anxious introvert.
Have I been able to replicate this? Not often. But I recognize that it is a step. Photography has empowered me to remember what it was like to create without judgement or pressure, to be willing to create without the feel of failure. To embrace the journey as a story, a document of my own life experiences. Some moments are shared. Some moments are private only for those closest to me. All of them are in a sense, a gift to anyone willing to receive.
So to ask me to describe my own work, all I can say is this:
I observe and notice what I find beautiful and intriguing in the world. A moment that makes the hairs on the back of my next stand, knowing that I can feel something I can’t describe, but in the presence of it, it is undeniable. A moment in life that I cannot contain the excitement or wonder of what I am seeing, such as the El Pase Del Niño Parade in Cuenca, Ecuador. A portrait of my niece, knowing that this is a moment in time that is fleeting, freezing a moment of her, bearing witness to her life through my lens.
If this resonates with you, you are not alone. Pick up a camera, go outside. Find someone or something interesting and continue your journey.
/end rant
